Audio of this tip!
Do you want your children to be the ones who easily give up when
assignments get difficult… or do you hope they’ll have the confidence
and grit required to keep going when the going gets tough?
What’s going to best prepare them for tomorrow’s extremely competitive
workforce? Will it be high grades because they only took the easier
classes… or will it be somewhat lower grades earned by finishing a more
challenging course of study?
What’s most important: stellar grades or solid perseverance and skills?
As this school year begins, let’s give our kids the gift of seeing that satisfaction and growth come from facing challenges.
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Focus on the strain rather than the brains.
Instead of praising, "You are so bright," notice their successes and ask, "How did you do that?"
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Help them blame their success on effort and perseverance.
Most
kids will respond to "How did you do that?" with "I don't know." When
this happens, ask a question: "Did you work hard or did you keep
trying?"
Both options embedded in this question point directly to strains not brains.
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Avoid placing them on a pedestal.
Capable
kids often get so much positive feedback about their successes they
begin to fear taking risks. It's as if they think, "If I try something
challenging, I might not live up to what everybody thinks about me. I'd
better take the easier route."
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Show them that failure is not final...it's informative.
Many
children develop a perfectionistic orientation by watching their rather
perfectionistic parents. I've been guilty of this. Sadly, doing so
leaves many kids fearful of taking healthy academic risks.
Give
your kids...and yourself...a gift. Do your best to laugh about your
blunders, while allowing your children to hear you say, "I sure learned a
lot from that!"
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Love them unconditionally.
When
our kids know that we love them...not what they do...they feel safe to
make the mistakes required to become truly exceptional people.
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Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.
Dr. Charles Fay